once a cynic, now the critic

i am aware that people come and go- separated by the waters shitty attitude death or whatever. either way i never liked the idea

losing anyone who matters is one thing, to bluntly go through life being aware of their absence is another. time does mend everything..it's just whether or not you want to let it go

ciggarettes are the best companion, really
makes you feel good everytime
and all you'll ever need is
cash
.
.

i wish it was easier when it came to friendship though. something like back when we were in pre school and all we had to say was "i dont wanna be friends with you" or "i dont like you" and just not talk for a couple of days. high school's pretty much altercations over altercations, arguments over arguments, til it didnt make sense at all

to me if you would rather lie to avoid wrangles than to consider bout how i might feel, squander your time digging up for my flaws and blunders that has cropped up as a point in our arguement, just to prove that you're right and you're somewhat better than me and overlook all the pessimism thrown at you, you just don't care

at the end of the day i know how much ive tried to be there for you and deal with your bullshits. and if you have any sense at all you'll know how much of that you've given in return

eventually both parties gain nothing. in corollary of the outlook, contrary to expectations- circumstance imputations did point out that ive always had the upper hand

it's pretty flagrant

id just take it as youre just being human, as much as id like to believe there is good in everyone but maybe God eluded some and leaving them malfunctioning of a conscience


blah. whatev
i could only wish that i played my cards differently. but then again no point sulking and defending what i think is right when others would just be casting doubts which at the most are never reasonable

it's funny how people can be that heartless